'I was torn between wanting to fix things and be there for my partner, and also needing time to heal myself.' – Aaron

During the early days of grief it's common for partners to put aside their own feelings and needs to focus on caring for others. They may have a strong desire to protect their baby's mother from further trauma, often taking on the responsibility of informing or dealing with the reactions of family members and friends. They may also feel pressure to keep the wheels of their everyday life turning.

It's important that you take time to acknowledge your own profound loss. It is very difficult to support someone else if you do not take care of yourself. Remember that your grief is no less real or acute because you had less physical contact with your baby than your partner did, although you may express it differently.

Taking care of yourself looks different for everyone. Find what works for you. That might be allowing yourself to express your feelings or accepting help from others. It might be spending time with your partner or giving yourself some alone time to process your grief separately.

Sands' fact sheet A Partner's Grief has more information on how to support yourself and find support from others at this difficult time.

Download A Partner's Grief fact sheet