In the eyes of most people my life is pretty good. They might note that I am a 45 years old successful professional woman.  I have a loving partner and we travel often.  And they will often note that I am not a mum. 

That’s how I look to others. 

My husband and I would define it differently.  We would say that I am a mother – we did have one of our embryo’s implanted following IVF and we did hear our babies heartbeat.  We just never got to hold that baby.  We lost her at 11 weeks and because it was IVF, we didn’t tell people – then it was too late.  Sadly, despite our best efforts we haven’t been lucky enough to conceive again.

People think our lifestyle is exciting and that we must have made the choice not to have a family. 

My husband and I would say differently.  We tried so hard to have a family.  It nearly ripped us apart. And in our everyday lives there are children everywhere.  We love to be involved in the lives of our nephews, nieces and godchildren but sometimes it is too much.  Sometimes our holidays are a break, a time where we can go somewhere child free.  We need to go somewhere where we don’t have to face our failure to make the family we so desperately wanted.

Its funny how things look different when you look a little deeper.