On the eve of #International Day of the Midwife, we’d like to share a piece of poetry, written by Nikki, a midwife. Written as a way of debriefing, she wrote this with tears in her eyes.
The bereavement midwife
You'll never know the way we felt, when we looked into your eyes.
You'll never know the tears we cried, the tears that we disguised.
Your courage in your time of loss, powered us, in keeping strong.
While you were mourning your baby,
We were mourning along.
You showed us strength and bravery, you reminded us how to love.
You showed us all your weakness, and how to rise above.
We trusted in your process, your strength to carry on.
We trusted in your little light, and how brightly it had shone.
We probably apologized a lot, a thousand times you heard "I'm sorry."
We tried to help you plan some things, things that didn't need your worry.
Sorry didn't cut it, but it's all that we had.
There was no words we cold possibly say, to take away the bad.
You never asked for any of this,
For that we truly know.
All you wanted was the pitter patter, and to watch your baby grow.
It was all you ever wanted, and it's all you never had.
But hold tight to all those memories,
For one day you'll be glad.
You'll be glad you had this gift, who grew inside of you.
Who felt your heart beating, and every single thing you'd do.
This is such a special part of you, the life you grew inside.
And all those memories you've got right now, one day you won't want to hide.
We use our big and fancy words and sometimes they aren't straight.
You need to know, we think of you, when we're not working, when it's late.
You aren't just another person, and neither is your baby.
You weren't a distant memory, a thought that just turned hazy.
You taught us things, we're grateful for, you'll never understand.
And you taught us those things while you showed us your pain and silently held our hand.
We never wanted to see you lose, your precious little gift.
We never want to see you down, the pain we wish we could lift.
If we could do it now, we'd make it all just cease.
We never want to see you cry, the fear and questions, we wish we could ease.
There was no words that we could say.
To take the pain, take it right away.
You mightn't hear us weep, because we didn't think it right.
But what you didn't know, is we sat weeping for you through the night.
A baby is meant to stay. To learn and flourish and grow.
But for you that hasn't happen, and that is our deepest sorrow.
We want you to know how hard it was, to sit with you, at this time.
To know we couldn't stop this, to know how to not cross that professional line.
Everyday you think of your baby, were probably thinking of you too.
Every time you cry for your baby, we're hurting for you, it's true.
You might not have felt that we heard you, heard your silent scream.
But the truth is that we did, we just did it behind the scene.
We send you off to live your life. To make some dreams come back.
We often think of you, and your sweet baby, and hope that you're on track.
We send you all our love now, we mean it from our heart.
We send you all the happiness and wish you safety in the new life you've had to start.
Your pain will ease a little, you'll learn to live this life a new.
Your baby's memories will always be with us, and we'll always be thinking of you.